Shelton RossAs a caring parent, you hope that every love, support, and concern you shower to your children will make them responsible, great-hearted, and well-adjusted individuals. On the contrary, life comes with complications sometimes, and toxic traits can sprout in your adult kids. This can be specifically unsettling when you realize not only are you managing the emotional burden of a challenging relationship with your child and his or her children but also are taking on the role of their parent. Such a scenario is always tricky, requiring inner strength and wisdom, as well as an adequate strategy.
In this article we will focus on how to recognize toxic behavior in adult children, why this may have come about, what things can be done to protect grandparents and their grandchildren, and how to create a healthy environment for their children without overstepping boundaries.
Defining Toxic Behavior in Adult Children
Blame and toxic behavior in adult children may take many forms. The parents may notice manipulation, control freaks, ignorance, emotional abuse, parenting and neglecting. The following were the common characteristics of being toxic: Unwarranted Criticism or Accusation: Most, if not all, toxic people are in denial and do not accept accountability for their misdeeds and so, may place the blame on someone else, usually their parents, for their problems.
Emotional Manipulation: Depending on the context, toxic kids can make you feel guilty, feel ashamed, or fearful so that you do what they want you to do without considering the course of action on yourself and others.
Neglect or Abuse of Their Own Children: Unfortunately, parenting issues may also become a part of toxicity, which is the neglect or even psychological and physical abuse of children.
It is critical to notice these signs because it helps you in understanding the immediate context better and tackling it immediately.
Why Toxic Behavior Develops
As mentioned above, toxic behavior might be seen as a pathological ailment of adult children, there are several reasons why adult children may develop toxic behaviors. Some contributing factors include:
Unresolved Trauma: Early trauma experienced as a child, especially in cases where there was bullying, divorce and so on may come into play especially in adulthood through manifestations of destructive behaviors. Without being abusive or neglectful, some situations you can’t manage as a parent may damage a child.
Mental Health Issues: Illnesses like depression, anxiety, narcissism, borderline personality disorders contribute to toxic behavior if not treated.
Substance Abuse: Drug or alcohol dependence can also be a factor that enhances or incites toxic behavior in individuals that would otherwise function normally in relationships.
Poor Coping Mechanisms: This is so because adult children who had no proper nurturing maybe as a child or due to their personality may have poor children coping with stress and might resort to manipulation, anger, or neglectful behavior.
Despite acknowledging that knowing about the cause is of utmost importance, it is still no justification for the behavior. Your focus is on your well-being and that of your grandchildren only.
Taking Over Responsibility for Your Grandchildren
When you are in a position where you have an adult child who is showing a lot of toxins, and you get into the care of their children, it can be really difficult because there is a sense of responsibility. You may have pictured that halfway through the picture of being a grandparent, that there are all these sugary duties of showering love, having fun, and sometimes giving support but rather reluctantly-a caregiver. However, circumstances may force you to take responsibility as the main caregiver for both or either of the grandchildren. Let’s offer some strategies to help you cope with this situation without going insane.
Legal Guardianship
Where your adult child is unable or unwilling to provide appropriate care for the wards, then it may be wise to look into obtaining a legal guardian. In this way, you would be fully responsible for your grandchildren in a legal manner; this includes preventing the children from attending school, obtaining timely medical assistance, and making other critical decisions concerning the children’s welfare.
Your grandchildren will also benefit from legal guardianship as it assures them of security. Speaking to an attorney in the field of family law can be very helpful if you are thinking of going this way.
Make Sure That The Grandchildren’s Safety Is Well Maintained
It is important to ensure that the grandchildren are not exposed to the harmful actions of their parent and are protected from them. This may involve drawing the line with your grown child to ensure that their destructive habits are neither brought to your house nor exposed to your grandchildren. Attempts to visit may need to be made selectively or a few rules may need to be set when interacting between your elder child and their children.
The aim, in this case, is to make the children feel loved, cherished, and safe in the new home dominated by them, which is free of unhealthy abusive relations or situations.
Emotional Support and Counseling
Parenting their children when grandparents have become parents can leave no one without emotional scars. And it is very important for both you and your grandchildren to have support in the emotional area. Therapy or counseling may be beneficial for your grandchildren in managing their feelings toward their parents as well as in resettlement.
Counseling on child placement may be useful to address the emotional issues that come in the daily interaction of bringing up grandchildren while living with a toxic adult child.
How to Create Distance from your Adult Offspring
There is no denying the importance of boundaries when it comes to dealing with a toxic adult child, given that you wish to keep your peace and be with your grandchildren . Creating relie provisions is not easy, especially when the child is loved and one wants to do all they can to help them. Nevertheless, such treatment is dangerous, and for this reason; there should be some level of respect towards people’s provisions so as not to promote toxic behaviors.
Straight to the Point
When creating boundaries, explanations regarding what these limits are and what actions constitute transgressions should be straight to the point. These may include calling too often, inappropriate conduct, money bugging or using emotional blackmail, draw the line calmly but firmly.
For example, parents may visit their house without warning to leave their child with them. One such boundary is that if they do so without notice, then you will not be home, unless the child calls first to arrange a time. It is equally important to enforce the plans that are made which is where most people tend to encounter challenges.
Contact Limitations: Only If Absolutely Necessary
In situations where the behavior of your adult child is rather toxic, you may have to consider keeping the contact to a bare minimum for your own sanity or that of your grandchildren. Though it is a hard decision to make, it may be essential in ensuring that a better atmosphere is attained for those involved.
Guilt Quest: Fail
In overcoming all that ness, one of the most difficult features in the battle with a toxic adult child is internalizing guilt that may be placed upon you by them. Toxic children easily manipulate their parents and make them feel as if they are the root causes of whatever leviathan that has come to swallow their children today or their prevailing fate. It is very important for you to remember that you are not the problem solver of your adult child and his/her waywardness is not your underline concern. All attention should be directed to ensuring your own safety from the adult child as well as taking care of the grandchildren.
You Need to Take Care of Yourself First
Watching the grandchildren while dealing with the toxicity of your adult child can bring forth physical and emotional exhaustion. In order to remain healthy and sane, self-care should be emphasized. Make sure you do not rush, and take part in satisfying things, target people or groups that can help you or do not refrain from soliciting for assistance when it is necessary.
In this regard, the grandchildren are not the only beneficiaries. Actually, the well being concerns you too because you will need to provide care for those grandchildren. Do not forget that the new phase in your life does not come without the necessity of subsistence to your health.
Ask for Help
It is hard for you to fight such toxic relationships as well as think of the well being of your grandchildren. Family therapy, lawyers, and relative raising groups can be of great assistance in this case.
In family law relief and or protection is best afforded when there is a legal expert such as a family law attorney involved. If you or your grandkids require emotional help, family therapy could assist to explain the above relationships.
Conclusion
Clashing with adult childrens toxic behaviors while aiming to parent their children is perceived as one of the hardest parenting grandparenting challenges. Understanding the abusive nature of the relationships, overriding it with strong limits, and constructive aspects of relationships with your grandchildren can lessen the burden of the situation to great extent.
Keep in mind that during the whole of this process, it is necessary to ensure your well-being. It is possible to love, give your grandchildren the stability, security, and warmth they require for their development, and at the same time, do not jeopardize your own well-being.
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